[Fair Warning: I'm going to tell stories, some of them mine, some of them friends, some of them students. These stories often repeat in some form or another from person to person. If a story is unique to you, I have already asked your permission to post it. If you feel like I'm talking about you, but I haven't asked you, it is either my story or I know multiple people with the same story. That being said, I'm also going to be blunt; so, if that offends or triggers you, please go ahead and back away slowly now. Otherwise, let's dive into this together.]
Let's start at the beginning, Father's Day is messy for some fathers or those who wish to be fathers. Many, many couples struggle with the fact that getting pregnant and bringing a child into this world is difficult or impossible for them. For those people, this day (like Mother's Day) is a painful reminder of the fact that this gift they long for may never be coming their way. Father's day is messy for those who have suffered the loss of a child. Whether it be by miscarriage, stillbirth, or some other circumstance after birth that causes the child to be lost. Father's Day serves as a painful reminder that your child is no longer with you.
Father's Day is messy for those, who through no fault of their own, have had their children removed from them, or alienated from them, by other people (mother, grandparents, courts - yes courts aren't infallible). (Key phrase there: through no fault of their own - we'll get there; hang on.) For these father's that long to be part of their child(ren)'s life but are unable to, this day serves as a point of anguish.
Now let's look at the other side. Father's Day is messy for the child without a father. For myriad reasons, this may be the case. The father may have never been present, the father may have passed away, the father could be removed from the family (military service, prison, etc.). For the child, this is a reminder of the father they are missing.
Father's Day is messy for blended families. Children can be stuck in the middle of drama they had no part in causing. Then there is the tension of how to honor both biological and stepfather without making either feel insufficient or inferior.
Father's Day is messy for the child whose father doesn't demonstrate what is expected of a father. The father may be abusive (mentally, physically, sexually, emotionally); the father may be just generally absent; the father may not demonstrate the care that is expected. (I've often heard it said, "It's easy to be a father; it takes a lot more to be a dad.")
I know of people whose fathers have explicitly stated they don't want to see their child(ren). I know of children who don't want to see their father. I have heard countless stories of abuse. I know of people whose fathers have committed suicide, leaving behind the shattered pieces of a family that get further broken by the loss of their father and then devastated by the realization that their father was keeping monumental secrets.
I know story after story after story that doesn't fit the "Leave It To Beaver" family that we feel compelled to demonstrate on Father's Day, but I want to leave some hope.
Father's Day also reminds me of this: for those who do not have a good or positive view of their own father, God as a Heavenly Father is a paradox. The idea of God as Heavenly Father is intended to conjure up the image that He has our best interest at heart and will always care for us. If earthly fathers have failed people, they have a harder time identifying with The Heavenly one.
You see, whether we have the picture-perfect version of a father, we all have people who care about us. I try (hopefully successfully, time will tell) to be a person who is caring. I try to demonstrate love to every student with whom I come in contact. I don't always know their story, but I try to learn. I try to love, I try to support. There are many of us teachers who try to be those support systems for students. If we are Christians, we should try to demonstrate that as well to everyone. We have to show people there is someone who cares for them.
We should hold fast to that, and even when this day is messy and one may not feel like they have anything to celebrate, take time to celebrate all the people who pour into your life and make you a better person.
We should also take the time to love and support those who struggle on this day.
So, on this, my first Father's Day as a daddy, I say to you, all of you. Happy Father's Day! Find those around you, whether they be biological, step, or just someone who invests in you and let them know what they mean to you! That's what this day has become about to me.
