Father's Day Is Messy

[Fair Warning: I'm going to tell stories, some of them mine, some of them friends, some of them students. These stories often repeat in some form or another from person to person. If a story is unique to you, I have already asked your permission to post it. If you feel like I'm talking about you, but I haven't asked you, it is either my story or I know multiple people with the same story. That being said, I'm also going to be blunt; so, if that offends or triggers you, please go ahead and back away slowly now. Otherwise, let's dive into this together.]

Let's start at the beginning, Father's Day is messy for some fathers or those who wish to be fathers. Many, many couples struggle with the fact that getting pregnant and bringing a child into this world is difficult or impossible for them. For those people, this day (like Mother's Day) is a painful reminder of the fact that this gift they long for may never be coming their way. Father's day is messy for those who have suffered the loss of a child. Whether it be by miscarriage, stillbirth, or some other circumstance after birth that causes the child to be lost. Father's Day serves as a painful reminder that your child is no longer with you.

Father's Day is messy for those, who through no fault of their own, have had their children removed from them, or alienated from them, by other people (mother, grandparents, courts - yes courts aren't infallible). (Key phrase there: through no fault of their own - we'll get there; hang on.) For these father's that long to be part of their child(ren)'s life but are unable to, this day serves as a point of anguish.

Now let's look at the other side.  Father's Day is messy for the child without a father. For myriad reasons, this may be the case. The father may have never been present, the father may have passed away, the father could be removed from the family (military service, prison, etc.). For the child, this is a reminder of the father they are missing.

Father's Day is messy for blended families. Children can be stuck in the middle of drama they had no part in causing. Then there is the tension of how to honor both biological and stepfather without making either feel insufficient or inferior.

Father's Day is messy for the child whose father doesn't demonstrate what is expected of a father. The father may be abusive (mentally, physically, sexually, emotionally); the father may be just generally absent; the father may not demonstrate the care that is expected. (I've often heard it said, "It's easy to be a father; it takes a lot more to be a dad.")

I know of people whose fathers have explicitly stated they don't want to see their child(ren). I know of children who don't want to see their father. I have heard countless stories of abuse. I know of people whose fathers have committed suicide, leaving behind the shattered pieces of a family that get further broken by the loss of their father and then devastated by the realization that their father was keeping monumental secrets.

I know story after story after story that doesn't fit the "Leave It To Beaver" family that we feel compelled to demonstrate on Father's Day, but I want to leave some hope.

Father's Day also reminds me of this: for those who do not have a good or positive view of their own father, God as a Heavenly Father is a paradox. The idea of God as Heavenly Father is intended to conjure up the image that He has our best interest at heart and will always care for us. If earthly fathers have failed people, they have a harder time identifying with The Heavenly one.

You see, whether we have the picture-perfect version of a father, we all have people who care about us. I try (hopefully successfully, time will tell) to be a person who is caring. I try to demonstrate love to every student with whom I come in contact. I don't always know their story, but I try to learn. I try to love, I try to support. There are many of us teachers who try to be those support systems for students.  If we are Christians, we should try to demonstrate that as well to everyone. We have to show people there is someone who cares for them.

We should hold fast to that, and even when this day is messy and one may not feel like they have anything to celebrate, take time to celebrate all the people who pour into your life and make you a better person.

We should also take the time to love and support those who struggle on this day.

So, on this, my first Father's Day as a daddy, I say to you, all of you. Happy Father's Day! Find those around you, whether they be biological, step, or just someone who invests in you and let them know what they mean to you! That's what this day has become about to me.

One Of My Favorite Questions

"Do you have any kids?"

I get asked this question frequently. I'm a talkative person and am readily willing to strike up a conversation with just about anyone. Most recently I was asked this question while getting my hair cut.
My favorite part is my answer, "Yes and No". People give me the strangest looks as if to ask "How do you not know whether or not you have kids?"

I always continue after giving them a second to ruminate, "My wife and I have no children of my own, but we have lots of kids at church.". That's why I love this question so much; it gives me two opportunities, 1. To brag on my kids, 2. To brag on my church.
Over the past 3 1/2 years, I have worked with many students in our youth department. I love how our church fosters the idea of church family. It makes us closer as a body. It helps us work with one another and depend on one another.

As for "my kids," I have so very many. I have students who have graduated and gone on to college. They are studying fields from math, to pre-med biology, to music, to special ed. Some have signed to play sports, others have academic scholarships. Some have entered the work force. I am proud of them all. I cherish the fact that I had the opportunity to be a part of their lives and that they are a part of mine.

I love all the students that I work with now. They are talented in a variety of areas. I love bragging on them about a band competition, sporting achievement, good grades, and/or wonderful character.
This is the beginning of a series of posts regarding youth ministry from the eyes of a volunteer. I hope to give insight into my world of lay youth ministry. I hope you find these blogs helpful, and feel free to add your comments.

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What Christmas Is All About

On Christmas Eve, I got to do the coolest thing...

My parents' church, Second Baptist Church of Washington, NC, does a monthly feeding outside the Zion Shelter (a homeless shelter in town). They prepare meals and people come in droves to get them.

On Christmas Eve, at 10am, my family - mom, dad, sister, wife, and I - loaded up and drove into town. About 25 people from the church were there. Preparing meals to serve in Christ's name.

This was a fantastic example of the gift Christ gave of himself. Mission and helping those less fortunate than ourselves should be a touchstone for the Christian life.

I pray that more churches will be mission minded especially around the Christmas season.

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A Missed Opportunity

I went to a Christmas program at a large area church. This was the first time I had attended anything at that church so I was excited to see what it was like. I had heard lots of good things about it. I know many people who go to this church and are very faithful Christian individuals.

That being said, I was extremely disappointed in the program. Mind you, this disappointment had nothing to do with the quality of the show from a production standpoint. From a production standpoint, this was top notch.

My big issue was that I think the entire show missed the point of a church Christmas program. There was lots of singing and great acting, but never was I clearly presented the Gospel or was I made to understand why Jesus came to earth.

My biggest disappointment was with the pastor. At the end, he came to the stage with his Bible. I thought to myself, now it's coming, the Gospel. He never read from his Bible, though in fairness, he did paraphrase. He never laid out our need for a savior, that Christ was our savior, or how to begin a relationship with Him. I couldn't believe that.

The Christian's highest calling is to share the faith.  How could that be missed?  I have no answer.

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Render unto Caesar...

So I've been working on our taxes for the 2010 tax year and thought this would be an awesome title for a blog post.
Matthew 22:21 (KJV) - They say unto him, Caesar's. Then saith he unto them, Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's; and unto God the things that are God's.
We take our obligations to the government very seriously.  Typically speaking, Americans are very patriotic. We pay our taxes, we do jury duty, we follow the laws.  But we don't do that very well when it comes to our devotion to God. We often look at that verse and think of it as a justification for paying taxes in addition to our tithe.

Have you ever looked at it as a command as well? As I was reading through Radical this week, I was struck by a particular passage

...We have taken this command, though, and reduced it to a calling - something that only a few people receive.
      I find it interesting that we don't do this with other words from Jesus.  We take Jesus' command in Matthew 28 to make disciples of all nations, and we say, "That means other people." But we look at Jesus' command in Matthew 11:28, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and i will give you rest," and we say, "Now, that means me."  We take Jesus' promise in Acts 1:8 that the Spirit will lead us to the ends of the earth, and we say, "That means some people." But we take Jesus' promise in John 10:10 that we will have abundant life, and we say, "That means me."
      In the process we have unnecessarily (and unbiblically) drawn a line of distinction, assigning the obligations of Christianity to a few while keeping the privileges of Christianity for us all.  In this way we choose to send off other people to carry out the global purpose of Christianity while the rest of us sit back because we're "just not called to that."

So my big issue is this -- there are obligations with Christianity

We don't often think or talk about them. They make our pretty, cookie-cutter, Americanized version of free Grace look undesirable. We have turned saying a short prayer and extending the right hand of fellowship into an art, a dance, an act, rather than the solemn commitment that it was designed to be.

Christians of all stripes are guilty of this. I went to a college with a relatively liberal (relative to me) religion department. Typically speaking, liberal Baptists strongly emphasize the social Gospel -- the idea that our duty as Christians is to help the poor and needy, and they often deemphasize living a holy and set apart lifestyle that is above reproach.

Conservative Baptists, on the other hand, typically emphasize the holy lifestyle while deemphasizing the care of those in need.

Both of these view points are incorrect.  James 1:27 says this "Pure and undefiled religion before our God and Father is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself unstained by the world."

This clearly tells us that we are to do both.  We are to live a holy, set apart life, and take care of those who can't take care of themselves.  We are to go not only to our neighbors, but also to the uttermost parts of the earth to share the Gospel in word and deed.

I hope as I continue writing these posts, I can go further and dig deeper into these and other ideas.  If you have a subject you'd like to talk about, leave a comment.

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